I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
