just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
