if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
