Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize