i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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