mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
