Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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