My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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