You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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