we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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