what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
