I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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