you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
