My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
