some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize