I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
