I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Randomize
