Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
