you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
