is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
