I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
