I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
