We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
