I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
