Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
