Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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