I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
