i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
