Ketchup is God's man juice
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
