dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
