All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
