I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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