Screwed.edu
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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