just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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