I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
