i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
