This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
