I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
