The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
