as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
