the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
