I feel like I'm in dance class right now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
