Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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