all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
