if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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