sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
