I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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