I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
