you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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