dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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