defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
as a side note pls kill me
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