Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
