pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize