I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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