just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
