Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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