when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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