dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
