How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
