I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I want a musical about memes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
