Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
