The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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