Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
