Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
