Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
