We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize