I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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