sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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