Rock
Scissors
Fuck
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
