I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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