I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize