Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize